Lost of a soul

The day that i hope will not come has finally came. Today, will it be the last day that i taste the taste of food, feel my own heartbeat, or breathe. To be precise, i have been wit her for almost two years now counting in all those time we wasted. At the end of this relationship, i feel terribly sorry for what i've done, being an asshole, a hypocrite, someone who does not know how to treasure love.

I call her the love of my life, i really love her but i flirted badly with some other girls on the internet. Im not proud of it, not at all. Now that i've lost her, i finally realize what is lacking in me in this whole relationship. She has been almost perfect. Beautiful, caring, and cute. Everything that i can ask for. I was just stupid enough to make this kind of stupid mistakes and i am now suffering the worst consequences in my entire life.

She has always been saying that we do not have the same understanding. She is a catholic and i am not. I really hated her when she compared me and catholic guys. Until she brought me to the Christ, i realized how i use to think is wrong. I am so totally wrong. She changed my life.

I was a bummer. Slacking all the time. She made me realize that i have to live life for something. I need to have a vision and a goal. I've got one. I want a life with her. A good one. but its just so hard. As conflicts never stopped happening between us. I am the one to be blamed. She has been the best of a girlfriend. I havent treasured enough. It is all my fault. I can never deny that painful and ugly fact no matter how hard i try to avoid it. I would love to hold her in my arms again, look her in the eyes, and tell her i love her. To tell her that i will really change for the future in every sense. She is the meaning of my life.

I regret now that i've lost her. Is this how it is meant to be?i cant even fight for her anymore. I would love to have one last chance is i can. This time, i will change. I swear in the name of God. I will. She is now no where to be found. Im worried sick. I'll go find her again, hopefully i will be able to get her.

p/s: I am sorry JLSW. I love you.