This is really depressing. I've told her the truth everyday. I did not lie, or hide anything from her. Yet, she is still telling me that im not talking to her properly. Canceled the air ticket as i realized that its not worth it. Even though 10% of the ticket has been charged but still it better than being charged full fair as the full fair is enough for me to get a ticket from Malaysia and also allow me to spend in Australia. I had a plan. A surprise for her during her birthday. Why cant she trust me more? Why cant she have more faith in our love? is it because im not there?is it really because of that?i think so it is.
She doesnt know how much i wanted to tell her about all these but is there time?u do not even have time for me. I waited for u the whole night and u were busy doing ur work. After that? u were just too tired. U didnt even have time for us to Skype. How on earth was i able to talk to you? U are not in the mood. Maybe because your period came and u get pissed very easily. sigh. i am just really upset that u think about it that way. That i dont tell u everything and that i am hiding from you. I just dont wanna annoy you. I talk too much to you, you will say i just keep talking and u do not have the chance to talk and so u just let me be myself. Cant u see it? if i stop doing one thing, u will come up with some other thing. Cant u just say it out already? u dont love me no more. maybe this is the ugly truth that U have been hiding from me, or even yourself. I have been having this feeling just that i choose not to give in to it. I chose to believe and keep on going because at least if i failed at the end, i will not regret.
Many told me to stop talking to you to give u time to realize what i mean to you. How much i have done in this relationship because u are not the only one who sacrificed my dear. I did as well. I am trying to look for a second job now. Trying to save up as much as i can. So that i can go over to visit u during your 21st. Hopefully during your graduation as well. If u are staying there till u graduate. Im thinking what to tell my parents. Working back at home for less than how many months and im going for a holiday already? Have you thought about my future? I have. And no matter what u do, i tell myself not to doubt u if i have that doubt. U dont tell me stuff, and if i doubt, i will tell myself off somehow or rather. I dont even try to find evidence or whatever it is u call it to prove you guilty whether or not u have done anything because i dont bother to. All i want in my mind is a perfect you and i believe that it is. I will not give in until one day i found out something unexpectedly to prove that im wrong. THAT IS ME.
You said that we dont communicate and there are misunderstandings. Both of us know that. I dont see any effort from u trying to fix thing with me. Do you really think that im the only one to blame in this relationship? if u think that way, we might as well just go in separate ways from now on. If you dont see the point, if you only see the fault in me, then forget it. I cant fix this on my own. Dont u even dare to say that im dragging you into this. Love cant be done by someone alone, if that happen? that is not love at all. U dont wanna give in? U dont wanna work this out together? U want me to fix this alone? Im sorry to say that i do not think anyone on earth can do it.
Im trying. I really am trying. It just seems like u are not seeing it. Maybe its just time to say goodbye. Maybe u really dont love me no more. Maybe its time to wake up.
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