A stupid boy woke up 6.30 in the morning, just to cope with the time difference for THAT silly girl. For His silly girl. Well, its complicated. She is not he's anymore but well, he cares. He is trying to make a difference in their relationship. 11 hours time difference. He woke up that early and what did he get? He found out that the girl is going for a bar crawl, so he wanted to start a topic in that. All he got back in return is just 'what's wrong wit u? u sounded worse than my mom!'.
The stupid boy really dont mind if she's going for a bar crawl. As it is a new place for her. She needs to go out and get to know people and get use to the life there in the bloody prisoner's country(no offense). All the silly girl thought of is that the stupid boy doesnt like her going to a bar crawl, this and that. Little did the silly girl knows that she is really being silly. He has been a University student as well and he still is. Even though he is in a totally different continent, but the people practice more or less the same things. Bar crawl is fun, and stupid boy was just worried that it will be expensive for the silly girl. Everyday and everything is expensive for the silly girl, the stupid boy cared. So he sounded his worries. He was then condemned. Maybe its because he forgot to pray before he sleep last night? =/
He doesnt mind doing all the job like he always did, to make a difference from an 8 hour difference last time until the current 11 hour. In this relationship, he has been apart from her more than he has been there for her. He feels so helpless and useless but life goes on? He cant give up his future just yet? He is doing whatever he can to make it up to her. Since the very beginning, he lived the 8 hours time difference as if he was back home whenever he doesnt have class the next day. Now that she's 11hours behind, he is still trying but the effort doesnt seem to work.
Unfortunately, i am the stupid boy. Work starts at 11am and its already 7.08 am. Stuck in between. Back to sleep? or wash up straight and have breakfast? Better wash up now. Cant afford to wake up late the first day of work.
p/s: open up your eyes and mind. Please. I cant always be okay with everything. U need motivation and signs to show u that i still love u dearly, i need it too. So please, dont keep me waiting for too long. i'd die. I have a plan too. =)
Monday, 22 February 2010
Friday, 19 February 2010
Its over?
Is it over or not? i do not know. I still hope that there will be a day that we can get back together. For now, she's gone. Not mine anymore. Im in no position to say anything anymore, no matter how i feel. She deserve a better life. A life without all my restrictions, all my dislikes which affect her decisions and choice of having some fun.
Another party just ended and i thank all my friends for being there. I feel very blessed because i have all of them around me. May God bless them. All of them. Well, thanks to them, it made these times easier for me to go through.
It was a great party i call it. Got drunk very very soon. puked my ass off in the room. Luckily i got better after that. was able to get sober and go down to join them again. sigh. I cried and cried. i just cant get her outta my mind. She mean too much to me. I dont think i can ever love anyone like i loved her again. At least not for a short period of time.
The pain is unbearable. Very very very painful. The pain is unbearable, indescribable, and very heart cell killing. Feels like my heart have been crushed, in to a million pieces. So small that it can go through the eye of a needle.
The first Tiramisu we've ever had together. Its just so hard. Make things so bad and my heart just bleeds when all the great memories came pouring. Now that she's gone. what's left of us? what's left of me?
p/s: please come back to me.
Another party just ended and i thank all my friends for being there. I feel very blessed because i have all of them around me. May God bless them. All of them. Well, thanks to them, it made these times easier for me to go through.
It was a great party i call it. Got drunk very very soon. puked my ass off in the room. Luckily i got better after that. was able to get sober and go down to join them again. sigh. I cried and cried. i just cant get her outta my mind. She mean too much to me. I dont think i can ever love anyone like i loved her again. At least not for a short period of time.
The pain is unbearable. Very very very painful. The pain is unbearable, indescribable, and very heart cell killing. Feels like my heart have been crushed, in to a million pieces. So small that it can go through the eye of a needle.
The first Tiramisu we've ever had together. Its just so hard. Make things so bad and my heart just bleeds when all the great memories came pouring. Now that she's gone. what's left of us? what's left of me?p/s: please come back to me.
Sunday, 14 February 2010
Cant seem to find the star
Some people say, love is like a star. Its always there but sometimes u just dont see it. Its my Valentine's day now while u still have half an hour before Valentine's ends in your part of the world. I know its stupid to write all these here but not letting you know how i feel. I know it is just dumb to express it somewhere but to you. Trust me. I really know. Its just that there are so much bothering you now that i dont know when is right time to tell you anymore. Theoretically, i dont need to find a right time as i am your guy but well, still i know that u're not always in the mood for that.
I woke up, i called, and called, and called, and called. Again and again and again. I just cant get you. I think u're already asleep. Emo songs keep on playing in my head. I dont know what to do anymore. I care, u said i cared too much. Tried to be there, u sighed like u knew how i felt, but i know u dont because u have no idea how does it feels like to deal with u love.
Im listening to Wo De Chuo now...my bad as it means..These few days, i've tried not to think about things on the wrong side. I tried to distract myself by going out wit my friends. Casino, dinner, party. As i know i will cry my ass off if i stay alone at home. Like how i am now. I tried so very hard to avoid that feeling but it just struck me when i wake up and there goes my day i think.
Just so you know, i didn't mean to ruin your day today and i hope i did not. There was nothing particular to tell really. I went to the Casino for a steamboat dinner, ate those stuff we had in "Yuen" steamboat with the same bunch of friends. What makes u think that i have anything special in particular? seriously what makes you think that i have a special life that i did not tell you? It is because i do not have anything at all. Nothing special. U know life might be as nice as it seems but U, of anyone can tell that it will feel so empty and lost without you.
I know we're hanging on fine strings now my love and frankly i do not think its all my fault too. Yes i do agree that you always take the first step to explain things to me, but by the time u are done, how can i still tell u how i feel anymore? sound absurd? Here are the reasons. First of all, u'll always be tired already after all those and u wanna sleep. If i continue too long, i'll get a "cant u feel that i falling asleep already? y are you so not sensitive?!?! u changed..u wasnt like that last time". If i dont explain slowly, u will not understand, then whats the point of even telling you? Then, do u want a man who bears the responsibility and burden on himself or put it on you as well? i dont know really, but as a guy and as a boyfriend, YOUR bf, i just want to keep all those burden away from you. I will settle and figure it all out if i could. I really never meant for you to find out all those that i complained to my friends. Frankly i just needed somewhere to let it out and as i always stay in the room, i confess it on the internet to my friends. About those flirting shits, i cannot find any reason for it. That is my bad.
Yes, see. U complained yet again. This is your 3rd day in the unknown foreign place. I couldn't reach u at 11 plus at night, i was worried and u didnt leave me any signs that u were fine. So i called your friend to ask about it. What did i do? I politely asked and even thanked him for taking care of you and showing u around the place? Is that so wrong? Am i such a fucking disgrace to you? Do i really make u feel that embarrassed? What and who am i to you anymore? I have no idea. My heart is dying. Breaking into pieces, but its okay, as i am used to picking yours up and mending it together, while i mend my broken heart as well at the same time. What have you done to mend mine? Where were you when i needed you? When i was in a foreign land, i'd always wait for you. To wake up, to sleep, even going thru your time just to "be there for you".
All you say and know is i am not there for you now and we cant go thru life together. DONT YOU FUCKING THINK I KNOW IT? u think im not frustrated about it? HELL YES I AM AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT BOTHERS ME!!!! Thats because i love you and i'd rather take it all to myself than putting any bit of burden on you that might break your bone!!! Instead of asking me y am i so worried, or is everything okay with me, all u said was just "what is wrong with you"? I think its my limit already, but still i cant bear the feeling of giving up, just yet.
I have been looking at our pictures, reminiscing all those times we had....
I miss the moon, which we looked upon with our hand held tight together. It is strange to think i haven't seen you since almost a month. I have seen new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises but nothing of your beautiful face.
The pieces of my broken heart is so small, that it could pass through the eye of a needle.
I miss you like the sun misses the flower. Like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence have vanished me to.
Hope guides me in the day and especially the night. The hope that after u're gone from my sight, it will not be the last time i look upon you.
With all the love i posses, i remain yours.
p/s: i've really done things i can, and try to live a life here. I cant always be chasing your shadow. I still love you. Do you?
I woke up, i called, and called, and called, and called. Again and again and again. I just cant get you. I think u're already asleep. Emo songs keep on playing in my head. I dont know what to do anymore. I care, u said i cared too much. Tried to be there, u sighed like u knew how i felt, but i know u dont because u have no idea how does it feels like to deal with u love.
Im listening to Wo De Chuo now...my bad as it means..These few days, i've tried not to think about things on the wrong side. I tried to distract myself by going out wit my friends. Casino, dinner, party. As i know i will cry my ass off if i stay alone at home. Like how i am now. I tried so very hard to avoid that feeling but it just struck me when i wake up and there goes my day i think.
Just so you know, i didn't mean to ruin your day today and i hope i did not. There was nothing particular to tell really. I went to the Casino for a steamboat dinner, ate those stuff we had in "Yuen" steamboat with the same bunch of friends. What makes u think that i have anything special in particular? seriously what makes you think that i have a special life that i did not tell you? It is because i do not have anything at all. Nothing special. U know life might be as nice as it seems but U, of anyone can tell that it will feel so empty and lost without you.
I know we're hanging on fine strings now my love and frankly i do not think its all my fault too. Yes i do agree that you always take the first step to explain things to me, but by the time u are done, how can i still tell u how i feel anymore? sound absurd? Here are the reasons. First of all, u'll always be tired already after all those and u wanna sleep. If i continue too long, i'll get a "cant u feel that i falling asleep already? y are you so not sensitive?!?! u changed..u wasnt like that last time". If i dont explain slowly, u will not understand, then whats the point of even telling you? Then, do u want a man who bears the responsibility and burden on himself or put it on you as well? i dont know really, but as a guy and as a boyfriend, YOUR bf, i just want to keep all those burden away from you. I will settle and figure it all out if i could. I really never meant for you to find out all those that i complained to my friends. Frankly i just needed somewhere to let it out and as i always stay in the room, i confess it on the internet to my friends. About those flirting shits, i cannot find any reason for it. That is my bad.
Yes, see. U complained yet again. This is your 3rd day in the unknown foreign place. I couldn't reach u at 11 plus at night, i was worried and u didnt leave me any signs that u were fine. So i called your friend to ask about it. What did i do? I politely asked and even thanked him for taking care of you and showing u around the place? Is that so wrong? Am i such a fucking disgrace to you? Do i really make u feel that embarrassed? What and who am i to you anymore? I have no idea. My heart is dying. Breaking into pieces, but its okay, as i am used to picking yours up and mending it together, while i mend my broken heart as well at the same time. What have you done to mend mine? Where were you when i needed you? When i was in a foreign land, i'd always wait for you. To wake up, to sleep, even going thru your time just to "be there for you".
All you say and know is i am not there for you now and we cant go thru life together. DONT YOU FUCKING THINK I KNOW IT? u think im not frustrated about it? HELL YES I AM AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT BOTHERS ME!!!! Thats because i love you and i'd rather take it all to myself than putting any bit of burden on you that might break your bone!!! Instead of asking me y am i so worried, or is everything okay with me, all u said was just "what is wrong with you"? I think its my limit already, but still i cant bear the feeling of giving up, just yet.
I have been looking at our pictures, reminiscing all those times we had....
I miss the moon, which we looked upon with our hand held tight together. It is strange to think i haven't seen you since almost a month. I have seen new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises but nothing of your beautiful face.The pieces of my broken heart is so small, that it could pass through the eye of a needle.
I miss you like the sun misses the flower. Like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence have vanished me to.
Hope guides me in the day and especially the night. The hope that after u're gone from my sight, it will not be the last time i look upon you.
With all the love i posses, i remain yours.
p/s: i've really done things i can, and try to live a life here. I cant always be chasing your shadow. I still love you. Do you?
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