Cant seem to find the star

Some people say, love is like a star. Its always there but sometimes u just dont see it. Its my Valentine's day now while u still have half an hour before Valentine's ends in your part of the world. I know its stupid to write all these here but not letting you know how i feel. I know it is just dumb to express it somewhere but to you. Trust me. I really know. Its just that there are so much bothering you now that i dont know when is right time to tell you anymore. Theoretically, i dont need to find a right time as i am your guy but well, still i know that u're not always in the mood for that.

I woke up, i called, and called, and called, and called. Again and again and again. I just cant get you. I think u're already asleep. Emo songs keep on playing in my head. I dont know what to do anymore. I care, u said i cared too much. Tried to be there, u sighed like u knew how i felt, but i know u dont because u have no idea how does it feels like to deal with u love.

Im listening to Wo De Chuo now...my bad as it means..These few days, i've tried not to think about things on the wrong side. I tried to distract myself by going out wit my friends. Casino, dinner, party. As i know i will cry my ass off if i stay alone at home. Like how i am now. I tried so very hard to avoid that feeling but it just struck me when i wake up and there goes my day i think.

Just so you know, i didn't mean to ruin your day today and i hope i did not. There was nothing particular to tell really. I went to the Casino for a steamboat dinner, ate those stuff we had in "Yuen" steamboat with the same bunch of friends. What makes u think that i have anything special in particular? seriously what makes you think that i have a special life that i did not tell you? It is because i do not have anything at all. Nothing special. U know life might be as nice as it seems but U, of anyone can tell that it will feel so empty and lost without you.

I know we're hanging on fine strings now my love and frankly i do not think its all my fault too. Yes i do agree that you always take the first step to explain things to me, but by the time u are done, how can i still tell u how i feel anymore? sound absurd? Here are the reasons. First of all, u'll always be tired already after all those and u wanna sleep. If i continue too long, i'll get a "cant u feel that i falling asleep already? y are you so not sensitive?!?! u changed..u wasnt like that last time". If i dont explain slowly, u will not understand, then whats the point of even telling you? Then, do u want a man who bears the responsibility and burden on himself or put it on you as well? i dont know really, but as a guy and as a boyfriend, YOUR bf, i just want to keep all those burden away from you. I will settle and figure it all out if i could. I really never meant for you to find out all those that i complained to my friends. Frankly i just needed somewhere to let it out and as i always stay in the room, i confess it on the internet to my friends. About those flirting shits, i cannot find any reason for it. That is my bad.

Yes, see. U complained yet again. This is your 3rd day in the unknown foreign place. I couldn't reach u at 11 plus at night, i was worried and u didnt leave me any signs that u were fine. So i called your friend to ask about it. What did i do? I politely asked and even thanked him for taking care of you and showing u around the place? Is that so wrong? Am i such a fucking disgrace to you? Do i really make u feel that embarrassed? What and who am i to you anymore? I have no idea. My heart is dying. Breaking into pieces, but its okay, as i am used to picking yours up and mending it together, while i mend my broken heart as well at the same time. What have you done to mend mine? Where were you when i needed you? When i was in a foreign land, i'd always wait for you. To wake up, to sleep, even going thru your time just to "be there for you".

All you say and know is i am not there for you now and we cant go thru life together. DONT YOU FUCKING THINK I KNOW IT? u think im not frustrated about it? HELL YES I AM AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT BOTHERS ME!!!! Thats because i love you and i'd rather take it all to myself than putting any bit of burden on you that might break your bone!!! Instead of asking me y am i so worried, or is everything okay with me, all u said was just "what is wrong with you"? I think its my limit already, but still i cant bear the feeling of giving up, just yet.

I have been looking at our pictures, reminiscing all those times we had....I miss the moon, which we looked upon with our hand held tight together. It is strange to think i haven't seen you since almost a month. I have seen new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises but nothing of your beautiful face.
The pieces of my broken heart is so small, that it could pass through the eye of a needle.
I miss you like the sun misses the flower. Like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence have vanished me to.
Hope guides me in the day and especially the night. The hope that after u're gone from my sight, it will not be the last time i look upon you.
With all the love i posses, i remain yours.

p/s: i've really done things i can, and try to live a life here. I cant always be chasing your shadow. I still love you. Do you?